Secret Samadhi is the third album by 90’s alternative rock band, Live.
Samadhi also traditionally means ‘enlightenment’ from a Vedic perspective - but I’ve come to realise that it is more than that. It’s realisation of truth. It is about being taken out of the darkness of ignorance to find the way of the light. Secret Samadhi implies that this realisation comes to people, naturally and quietly, without any instance or forewarning.
It is also related to the sanskrit word ‘visvas’ - which means, a complete surrender, trust and to be free from fear. This reassures us that inside everyone, there is a chance to reach our own Samadhi, without fear, with the light, with complete reassurance in speaking our truth.
I also find it an appropriate way to start writing about yoga in this journal.
You see, I’ve always been a skeptic yogi.
I’ve also had problems with “commitment”.
I’ve always been a walking bag of issues.
The analytical mind and the advertiser mind never stops asking if I’m being “sold” something.
I could never fathom commitment because I felt like nothing was worth committing to.
I felt lost.
The cloud above my head felt heavy with unnecessary thoughts I held onto, not because it was valuable, but because of familiarity.
But… Whatever it is. Provenance. Serendipity. Contemplation. The universe. Something brought me to discover yoga.
I have found that this yoga has benefited me in more ways than I can explain.
It also makes me wonder, why have I only considered this practice the longest I’ve ever “stuck out with”? Could it possibly be because it has always emphasised practice over rewards? Why have I found it, or rather, why has yoga found me?
There was always something unsettling about the yogic belief that the right teacher finds you when you're ready. I have been skeptical of this, for all these years, I never found myself to be worthy to be cherry picked for training. I have found, however, that it's not so much them picking you - it was about allowing the practice to change you. It was about allowing the training to open up yourself to possibilities that you've never imagined before. Showing up was 99% of the practice.
If the premise that practice is "a pursuit for enlightenment" - is indeed true, then the converse is also worth recognizing: That the practice is the reward in itself. And the only way I’ve found to cope is to enjoy the process, the stumbles, the awkwardness and the profound peace that comes in my yoga journey. Samadhi may not be immediately accessible, but striving for it, at least, exercises vulnerability and strengthens my belief in something bigger, greater, than the ego self.